Therapy for People-Pleasing
Online in Westminster, CO and Throughout Colorado and Georgia
People-Pleasing: When Saying ‘Yes’ to Everyone Isn’t Helping Anyone
Are you often the go-to person for saying “yes” when others need something, and the one who bends over backward to keep everyone happy? People-pleasing can feel like a superpower- until it starts to take a toll on you. Maybe you’ve been feeling stretched thin, resentful, or like you’re losing sight of what you actually want. You’re definitely not alone, and together we can make some space for your needs too.
People-pleasing has a way of convincing us that being “easygoing” or “flexible” is the key to being loved or accepted. And while it’s great to be kind and thoughtful, constantly putting others first can lead to feeling unseen, unheard, and burned out. Therapy can help you find that balance between caring for others and actually caring for yourself, too. We’ll build the tools you need to honor your needs and set boundaries- all while staying connected to the people in your life.
Why We People Please: The Pull to Say “Yes”
People-pleasing usually starts from a well-intentioned place. Maybe you learned early on that making others happy meant things stayed peaceful, that being agreeable earned you praise, or that putting others’ needs first kept things running smoothly. For some, people-pleasing is a way to avoid conflict; for others, it’s tied to feeling valued or accepted. Often, we feel that saying “no” might disappoint someone or lead to tension, so saying “yes” becomes the default.
While people-pleasing can temporarily bring calm or connection, it can also mean losing yourself in the process. When you’re constantly tuned into everyone else’s wants and needs, there’s rarely time to consider your own. Over time, this can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and a sense of being stuck. Therapy can help shift that pattern, so you can show up in relationships in a way that feels balanced and true to you.
It is entirely possible to change
Do You:
Say “yes” to everything?
Have trouble setting boundaries?
Worry that if you say “no” you will upset others?
Avoid conflict at all costs?
Feel like you don’t have a clear identity?
Defer to others?
Always try to appear helpful?
Spend your time exhausted because you put everyone else’s needs above your own?
Together we will be:
Challenging the “Yes” Habit with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is great for spotting the patterns of thought that fuel people-pleasing. We’ll look at the beliefs behind those automatic “yeses” and explore where they come from. Maybe there’s a voice in your mind saying things like, “If I say no, they won’t like me,” or “I should help because they’d do the same for me.” CBT helps us gently question these thoughts, recognizing which ones are grounded in reality and which ones are… well, not so accurate.
Through CBT, we’ll work together to replace the assumptions and expectations you might have around people-pleasing. You’ll start to see that your worth isn’t tied to how much you do for others. By understanding the thought patterns behind this behavior, we can loosen their hold and create room for new choices.
Finding Your True Voice with IFS (Internal Family Systems)
IFS is a wonderful approach for understanding the inner dynamics behind people-pleasing. In IFS, we’ll explore the different “parts” within you that drive this behavior. You might have a part that wants to please everyone, another part that’s worried about disappointing others, and maybe a quieter part that’s longing to speak up for you. These parts all serve a purpose, even if they sometimes seem to clash.
Through IFS, we’ll work together to listen to these different parts with compassion. Maybe your “pleasing part” is trying to keep you safe from conflict, or maybe it’s driven by a fear of rejection. By understanding these parts, we’ll create space for a stronger, more balanced sense of self. You’ll start to feel more comfortable letting that inner voice- the one that wants to prioritize your own needs-take the lead.
Building Self-Acceptance with ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
While CBT helps us work on thought patterns, ACT takes a different angle, helping you accept all those feelings that come up around saying “no.” With ACT, we don’t need to banish the discomfort of people-pleasing or pretend it doesn’t exist. Instead, we focus on moving toward what matters to you, even if saying “no” still feels a bit uncomfortable at first.
ACT is all about connecting with your values. Through our work together, we’ll clarify what matters most to you. Maybe it’s authenticity, balance, or genuine connection. As we explore your values, we’ll also work on practicing small, meaningful steps toward those goals, learning to carry any lingering guilt along for the ride. Over time, you’ll gain confidence in making choices that align with what you truly want, not just what keeps the peace.
Reconnecting with Your Body’s Wisdom through Somatic Therapy
People-pleasing isn’t just mental; it often shows up in the body, too. You might feel tension, anxiety, or even physical discomfort when you think about setting a boundary. Somatic Therapy is about reconnecting with these physical sensations and finding ways to ease the tension that comes with people-pleasing.
In therapy, we’ll use somatic techniques to help you tune into what your body is telling you. By becoming more aware of the signals your body sends- like that tight feeling in your chest or the heaviness in your stomach- you’ll gain insight into when you’re slipping into people-pleasing mode. Somatic Therapy also gives us ways to release some of that tension, so you can feel grounded and calm as you learn to put yourself first.
Interested in getting started? Reach out to me!
It’s exhausting to put everyone else’s needs before your own. Therapy can help you set healthy boundaries, build confidence, and prioritize yourself without guilt. Let’s work together to break the cycle. Book your consultation today and start putting yourself first.
